A 2004 University of Nc study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements with their degree of “relationship happiness”. Furthermore, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable part of life’s journey. Within a depression where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine this instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions instead of principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts happen in such moments. I once did a talk in the bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester even after brittle bones happen to be healed. There was clearly a songwriter within the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding this negativity, you are able to consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s notice it together. Picture yourself because heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you had been in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Understand that you don’t must be physically and even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. As an example, you will become withdrawn and demanding within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. Another person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and in no time you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, why don’t you strike in the event the iron is cold? Allow yourself to relax and cool off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you are ready and therefore are effective at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any kind implies that you happen to be identified using the thinking mind.
This means you don’t start to see the other man anymore, however only your individual idea of that man. To scale back the aliveness of one other man with a concept has already been a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you are well on a sailboat within the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the lifetime of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off target sometimes. Probably the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes the good thing you are able to do-or one and only thing you are able to do-is to merely ride the storm. Allow the feelings blow through you and then pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you already know, depending on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s better to stay afloat once you relax the body as opposed to once you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown inside their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with these mantras:
Storms always pass. There’s no need to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I’ll analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I’ll hold on tight and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to stay far better analyze the storm, also to know very well what caused it. You can also uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you survive? How may you get this transition easier later on?
Utilize the storm just as one possibility to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, understand that storms certainly are a part of life, however you hold the capacity to navigate your path through them. You’ll always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the road; these are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Alter your Story, Alter your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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