A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements with their a higher level “relationship happiness”. Additionally, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are an inevitable part of life’s journey. In the relationships where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine this kind of instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your companion says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions take place in such moments. One time i did a talk in a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after bone fractures happen to be healed. There was clearly a songwriter within the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding on to this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself for the reason that heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you were in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Understand that you don’t should be physically and even verbally abusive to become violent. Even thoughts might be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. As an example, you’ll become withdrawn and important throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before you know it you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, have you thought to strike in the event the iron is cold? Let yourself cool off and funky off, and share your feelings and thoughts when you are ready and are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any type ensures that you might be identified using the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, however only your own concept of that human being. To lessen the aliveness of some other human being to a concept is definitely a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you are on a sailboat within the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the course of life. It doesn’t matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes the good thing you can do-or the only thing you can do-is to easily ride out the storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you then pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s merely a cascade of chemicals, you know, determined by fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you realized that it’s quicker to stay afloat if you relax one’s body rather than if you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown inside their drama either. Stay grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. There’s no need to panic or fear.
Ride out the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now Let me hold on tight and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and better analyze the storm, and also to understand what caused it. You can even discover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you choose this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Utilize the storm just as one possiblity to gain new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, remember that storms can be a part of life, however, you have the power to navigate your path through them. You are going to always return to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles do not block the path; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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